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Kids Parents and Power Struggles Winning for a Lifetime Mary Sheedy Kurcinka 9780060930431 Books

Download As PDF : Kids Parents and Power Struggles Winning for a Lifetime Mary Sheedy Kurcinka 9780060930431 Books

Kids Parents and Power Struggles Winning for a Lifetime Mary Sheedy Kurcinka 9780060930431 Books

If the blithe advice offered by your friends, your mom, strangers in the grocery store, and your own pregnant self (before that amazing child actually arrived to field test your theories) have left you high and dry, this may be the book you need.

My child did not respond well to ignoring. He escalated instead of giving in whether it was a tantrum or any version of crying it out. My child did not improve with logical consequences that were implemented immediately and consistently. (i.,e. Throw your food one time, food goes back in the kitchen, tell child he must have been done eating, since he was throwing) That just ticked him off, and more than half our day was spent with him mad and me frustrated. My son got worse when I tried Dobson's Strong-Willed Child approach. Rather a bit worse, in fact. I had resorted to asking near strangers for advice when someone recommended this book.

It is not an over-statement to say this book gave me back my family. I am now able to enjoy my son and my home, instead of living in a state of frustration and chaos. As the title of my rating states, I can't say enough good things about this book.

First of all, the information here has a strong philosophical position, but is also directly tied to empirical research more than any other parenting book I've read. They review the dimensions of temperament, which a lot of books are doing now. They also give you Gardner's new research on developing emotional intelligence in a very parent-friendly way. In addition, they tell the truth about punishment. People use punishment. You'll almost certainly use punishment (even if only time-out for your kids' toys), but it's one of the least effective ways of shaping behavior, especially when used outside of a laboratory. So you need a system that allows you to move beyond punishment to teaching the correct behavior in a positive way, most of the time. Kurchinka gives you that in this book..

Kurchinka writes with an amazing respect for parents. Unlike the Positive Discipline series (among others), she doesn't tell you what your rules should be. She encourages us to think hard about our own values and desires for our children's character and to then guides the parent in making rules (and enforcing them) that reflect those goals.

She also writes with an amazing respect for children. Reprogramming yourself to offer the same respect to children we want for ourselves (although NOT the same autonomy or authority) isn't easy. And it isn't easy to challenge myself to be consistent in my values, either. If the rule at my house is, 'We don't hit, no matter how mad we are.' then I don't get to hit, either. No matter how frustrated I am. But if I want my kid to grow up to be an adult who values justice and treating others fairly even when they can't protest and to solve problems nonviolently.... Well, I need to be a parent who just figures something else out even when a smack seems like the only feasible solution. Otherwise, I probably won't get those other things I wanted - and I want them a lot more than I want my kid to hold still while I clean him up and change his diaper. Long term, anyways.

Kurcinka does not advocate giving in to your child once you have good rules that reflect your values and long term goals in place. Or negotiating with the child until the child agrees to the rule. If the rule is, We hold hands or get carried in the parking lot, your child has a reminder and a count to 3 to decide to hold hands. Then, carry it is. Even if the little darling changes his mind. He can decide to walk next time. If the rule is, we play with blocks on the floor, but your sweetie is throwing them, she gets a reminder/warning. The next airborne block sends the block bucket into time out, and your child can try again later.

There's no question, it's more work than more traditional parenting. Honestly, if my son responded to all the free and store-bought advice I'd tried, I probably wouldn't have bothered. And the tantrums and behaviors don't magically go away in the first 2 days. Although I felt better equipped to handle them within the first week, and they had improved by week 2. Bottom line, you don't control your kid's tantrums anyway. They get sick, or off routine, and it's a tougher day, just like any other kid. Of course, there's tough and then there's tough at my house, lol. And sometimes you get a more challenging couple of days just because. And that's not easy to handle, especially when you've been working your butt off. But, overall, huge, huge improvement. And because of the work I'm doing and the research Gardener has done (and Kurcinka has distilled) I know I'm working toward a great future for my kid, not just surviving the terrible twos.


Tags : Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime [Mary Sheedy Kurcinka] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. End Those Power Struggles and Begin Connecting with Your Child Noted family educator Mary Sheedy Kurcinka struck a national chord with her bestselling <I>Raising Your Spirited Child.</i> Now she hits upon another crucial parenting topic: coping with the everyday challenges of disciplining your child,Mary Sheedy Kurcinka,Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime,William Morrow Paperbacks,0060930438,9780060930431,FAM034000,Parenting - General,Child rearing,Parent and child,Parenting,Advice on parenting,CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND REARING,Child CareParenting,ChildcareParenting,FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS Parenting General,Family & Relationships,Family Parenting Childbirth,GENERAL,General Adult,Non-Fiction,FamilyMarriage

Kids Parents and Power Struggles Winning for a Lifetime Mary Sheedy Kurcinka 9780060930431 Books Reviews

From the moment I got this book in the mail, I started reading it. My daughter is six years old and I was desperate for help. She is a good girl, but it was to the point that EVERY afternoon was spent yelling and arguing. Punishments and yelling did nothing. When I started reading this book, I didn't think I would be able to use its advice until I finished reading the entire thing. That's not true. You start learning how to communicate better with your children from Chapter 1 and are able to utilize this advice from the start. Within two days, I have seen such a change in my daughter and they way we communicate, it's crazy! And I'm not even halfway through the book! One example I can give For the past week, when it's bedtime, my daughter has been begging and pleading for someone to sleep with her. She always sleeps by herself. Before I started reading this book, I would get frustrated with her thinking she just wants attention and she's being unreasonable. It would always end up in a yelling match and an argument. After I have begun to implement the advice in this book, I was so shocked by what happened, I was in tears of joy! Last night, my daughter again started to have a problem with sleeping by herself. For the past three days I have been very empathetic with her and encouraging communication. I couldn't figure out what was going on with her. But instead of yelling or getting frustrated, I offered to sing her some songs, I offered her a special toy to sleep with, and even offered to leave a light on for her (when she's never been afraid of the dark). The next thing she did blew me away. She said, "Mommy, do you know why I want you to sleep with me?" Then she proceeded to tell me about a bad dream she's been having. I was able to comfort her and make her feel better because I knew what the problem was. Since I became a mom, it has been my goal to have an open relationship with my child where she feels she can tell me anything, but I couldn't figure out how to get there. Just by reading this book, and using it's advice for THREE days, I'm already there. My daughter would have never told me what she did on a normal night of arguing and yelling. She would have gone to bed crying and I would have hated that. As it was, she went to bed smiling and I was the one who was crying! ) This is just one example of many things that have changed. We haven't fought at all since I started using this book. It is amazing and I highly recommend it to anyone who is having difficulties with their kids. Next, I'm going to try these techniques on my husband and see if they work there too! D
I haven't had as much time to read this book as the others of hers I have. Since the others were excellent and most helpful and since early readings
of this book showed all kinds of promise, I assume it is of the same quality. The book re "the spirited child read like someone who knows the
child I concerned about, I look forward to the rest of the advice from the book titled above.
Terry
Still reading her prior books. Will rate this one when I have had a chance to read it. Her others are excellent and most helpful so I anticipate the same with this one when I get a chance to read it.
I have read upwards of 20 parenting books including Raising Your Spirited Child, Unconditional Parenting, Peaceful Parents Happy Kids, No Bad Kids, Mindful Discipline and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. I loved these books and they have all played an important role in shaping my beliefs about parenting, but I have often found them difficult to apply. Kids, Parents and Power Struggles is an incredible guide that includes elements from these many readings, explains the "compassionate parenting" philosophy in a clear and convincing way (great for helping partners, family, and friends to understand this approach to parenting), and is the only book that I found to provide an effective and realistic way of implementing the elements of these many philosophies in your parenting. If I had to recommend one parenting book, this would be it, hands down.
If the blithe advice offered by your friends, your mom, strangers in the grocery store, and your own pregnant self (before that amazing child actually arrived to field test your theories) have left you high and dry, this may be the book you need.

My child did not respond well to ignoring. He escalated instead of giving in whether it was a tantrum or any version of crying it out. My child did not improve with logical consequences that were implemented immediately and consistently. (i.,e. Throw your food one time, food goes back in the kitchen, tell child he must have been done eating, since he was throwing) That just ticked him off, and more than half our day was spent with him mad and me frustrated. My son got worse when I tried Dobson's Strong-Willed Child approach. Rather a bit worse, in fact. I had resorted to asking near strangers for advice when someone recommended this book.

It is not an over-statement to say this book gave me back my family. I am now able to enjoy my son and my home, instead of living in a state of frustration and chaos. As the title of my rating states, I can't say enough good things about this book.

First of all, the information here has a strong philosophical position, but is also directly tied to empirical research more than any other parenting book I've read. They review the dimensions of temperament, which a lot of books are doing now. They also give you Gardner's new research on developing emotional intelligence in a very parent-friendly way. In addition, they tell the truth about punishment. People use punishment. You'll almost certainly use punishment (even if only time-out for your kids' toys), but it's one of the least effective ways of shaping behavior, especially when used outside of a laboratory. So you need a system that allows you to move beyond punishment to teaching the correct behavior in a positive way, most of the time. Kurchinka gives you that in this book..

Kurchinka writes with an amazing respect for parents. Unlike the Positive Discipline series (among others), she doesn't tell you what your rules should be. She encourages us to think hard about our own values and desires for our children's character and to then guides the parent in making rules (and enforcing them) that reflect those goals.

She also writes with an amazing respect for children. Reprogramming yourself to offer the same respect to children we want for ourselves (although NOT the same autonomy or authority) isn't easy. And it isn't easy to challenge myself to be consistent in my values, either. If the rule at my house is, 'We don't hit, no matter how mad we are.' then I don't get to hit, either. No matter how frustrated I am. But if I want my kid to grow up to be an adult who values justice and treating others fairly even when they can't protest and to solve problems nonviolently.... Well, I need to be a parent who just figures something else out even when a smack seems like the only feasible solution. Otherwise, I probably won't get those other things I wanted - and I want them a lot more than I want my kid to hold still while I clean him up and change his diaper. Long term, anyways.

Kurcinka does not advocate giving in to your child once you have good rules that reflect your values and long term goals in place. Or negotiating with the child until the child agrees to the rule. If the rule is, We hold hands or get carried in the parking lot, your child has a reminder and a count to 3 to decide to hold hands. Then, carry it is. Even if the little darling changes his mind. He can decide to walk next time. If the rule is, we play with blocks on the floor, but your sweetie is throwing them, she gets a reminder/warning. The next airborne block sends the block bucket into time out, and your child can try again later.

There's no question, it's more work than more traditional parenting. Honestly, if my son responded to all the free and store-bought advice I'd tried, I probably wouldn't have bothered. And the tantrums and behaviors don't magically go away in the first 2 days. Although I felt better equipped to handle them within the first week, and they had improved by week 2. Bottom line, you don't control your kid's tantrums anyway. They get sick, or off routine, and it's a tougher day, just like any other kid. Of course, there's tough and then there's tough at my house, lol. And sometimes you get a more challenging couple of days just because. And that's not easy to handle, especially when you've been working your butt off. But, overall, huge, huge improvement. And because of the work I'm doing and the research Gardener has done (and Kurcinka has distilled) I know I'm working toward a great future for my kid, not just surviving the terrible twos.